We’ve all done it — looked into the eyes of these people trying to find something, anything that would be an identifying mark; a glitch

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Other than a slightly-overconfident and crazed look, like they get it and we don’t, they seem like the people we grew up with; sat next to in church; those nameless faces you recognize when dropping a child off a soccer practice — hey there, how’s it going?

Today, they show up everywhere donning gear that offends. You avoid them in stores because they are maskless. They think Donald Trump is a god. They think that Democrats run a child-molesting cabal and a massive, convoluted conspiracy is hell bent on enslaving all of us. They love you if the president says you are loveable and seconds later hate you when he Tweets that you are no longer so. They believe every single word their president says and call the rest of us the sheep. They think that terrorists who attacked the Capitol Building on January 6th are heroes, patriots.

Many Trump supporters in 2016 were American desperate for change. They have since proven how were civically ignorant they are — like they all either missed or forget the lessons of sophomore year in high school. They are people who don’t know much about history. Having made a choice because they felt the system was against them — in many ways, I agree with them on that front — they chose a person who promised to make it all better. The system geared toward making the rich richer was empowered in ways few could have seen thanks to the man they thought would put an end to that inequality. The swamp became a cesspool thanks to his corruption.

Supporting Donald Trump in 2020 means you are racist. It means you don’t care about America, your neighbors or anyone but yourself. It means you worship a false god. As of January 6th, if you still support him it means you are openly against America.

Have you ever sat there and tried to rationalize the shit they say? Have you ever tried to wrap your head around their lunacy? Have you ever tried to catch the moment when with the adeptness of a magician jettison responsibility and begin to blame, rather convincingly I might add, the victims? They did it with George Floyd — he was on drugs. They do it each time a Black guy is gunned down by a police officer at a traffic stop — why can’t he just respect the police? They are now telling us, without blinking an eye or cracking a smile, that it was Antifa members who assaulted the Capital Building.

3 Tricks

Let’s transform our brains into Trumpie-ones for a few hours. It gets loud in the Trumpie head because of all the outrage and hate enraged so prepare yourself with a hot shower and a chamomile tea.

Trick #1: Pull up a comfy Laz-y-Boy recliner in front of the TV. Set a sturdy TV table next to the chair. Make sure the phone is nearby so that you can place quick and unobtrusive orders for pizza to Papa John’s. The fridge should be loaded up with three or four bottle 2-liter bottles of soda (pop, in Trump country). If you are having problems with the ice-maker in the freezer, load up in advance at the local 7/11, Circle-K or whatever is around you — the more ice in the drink the better.

Now, turn on Fox News and glide off into the abyss. Let the lies and propaganda wash over you like you were in a Thai massage salon. Imagine the young woman at first gingerly walking barefooted across your back and then slowly these puts more and more weight onto the sore spots. At first, it will be painful but when you let go, you melt into the lunacy and neck-deep conspiracy theories. Let it go. Feel the sense of inclusion that Fox offers — it’s us versus them. It’s addicting, right?

Do this for about one week and I guarantee you that the world around you will suddenly appear to be uglier, less kind and filled with whispering enemies. The red hat will become like beacon in the misted-imbued night.

Trick #2: Go to a Christian mega-church, or a Methodist Church in some small town or holler. This trick will require a bit more time as the inspired rantings by the holy-rollers are only about an hour or so, but be patient and fight the urge to run off into the forest naked. You will also need to have some spare five and ten-dollar bills to feed the hunger of the church-beast — God has expensive habits, it seems.

While you are taking these three or four months of spiritual baths, be sure to scour the Bible for all of the moments where God is punishing man by casting him out, blinding or hinting that slavery was okay. These passages help you justify violence and racism and will make the leap from rational thought to irrational thought a less perilous one.

Trick #3: Buy as many of those American flags, Trump-Pence blanket-like things as you can find. The blanket things can be draped over your shoulder and they act like capes giving you that special superhero feel. Also, make sure you have at least a handful of MAGA hats because the red, poorly-made hat is a universal welcome mat to the world of Trumpists.

The more you get out there with that hat on with one of those blankie-things draped around your shoulders, the more you will be regarded as one of the mob. Also be sure to carry a massive “pop-holder” (at least 64 ounces), always charged with sugary-water beverage of choice — never fill it with just water. If the cup has eagles soaring around Trump and dear leader’s face is emblazoned up on Mt. Rushmore then you might ever get extra hugs and high-fives from the I refuse to socially distance because I am a free American crowd.

Of these three tricks, #1 and #3 can be done with very little effort. Pretty much in a day or two you will be ready to seal yourself off in a room and “get Trumpie.” Trick #2 could actually pull you in deeper than you at first wanted to go so do this one at your risk.

Good luck and God-speed returning to the land of the rational and the patriots.

This post was previously published on Medium.


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Photo credit: David Todd McCarty on Unsplash


The post 3 Tricks To Help You Get Your Head a ‘Little Trumpie’ appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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