Understanding that intimate relationships are a reflection of ourselves and the beliefs that we hold from childhood can help us to be more authentic and aware as we venture into dating or marriage. Be conscious about who we are as individuals and knowing our needs, desires and wounds can help us choose a mate that aligns fully and increases our chances of success and happiness.
Modern love and dating, many of us have a love hate relationship with it. There is so much freedom, adventure and what feels more like truth to it because we can with ease have the style of relationship that we want and not have to explain ourselves for it. We are finding more and more variables in modern love and dating, and the dating field is most certainly becoming an equal ground for both sexes.
However, with this equality and freedom to relate and sex however we want and feel is best for us we are also experiencing a massive amount of heartache, frustration, and lack of commitment or stability with all parties involved. Creating emotional wounding that often supports our worst fears that speak to our inner child and say, “ Yep, I was right. I am not lovable.” This belief that so many of us have that we are not worthy of love can show its nasty face to us in many ways from telling us that we are too much or not enough, that we are victims to (fill in the blank) or that we just cannot seem to get it right. We seek the perfect love story hoping that we can turn it into a life story as well, but because we all feel replaceable in our world of love, sex and relationship we also are not will to become vulnerable and trust one another nor give proper time to develop a healthy foundation for relationship.
It takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time with someone for the very first veil of who they are to be seen. Then another 200+ hours for the next veil and so on. What this translates to is time spent and in our modern speed dating and relating we don’t do this. We hop into a situation instead of exploring a relationship and we do so pretty unconsciously as well. If we truly desire a love story that becomes a life story with our soulmate then why not become more conscious in our approach to begin with?
What is Conscious Coupling You May Ask?
Conscious coupling is pretty simple. It means that we take the time to know ourselves and understand that our intimate relationships are nothing more than a reflection of ourselves. Often, we are attracted to what we see as the opposite, however the opposite is nothing more than the parts of ourselves that we have not acknowledged or accepted, and we are attracted to this other soul because we feel some level of completion with them which when we consciously look at relating, we can see that the ideal relationship is one that shows us our fullness. The relationship is a union that harmonizes and creates a ground for full expression of each soul involved to feel their totality within the relationship container.
Next, conscious coupling focuses on knowing what we need, want and desire to expand therefore what we want to look for within a partner. Knowing our core values, understanding what our boundaries are and our non-negotiables and making sure that we are courageous enough to not sidestep and ignore them because of some pretty packaging shown to us. From here we can look at how our lives blend with this other soul — we often overlook what seems like small things in a relationship such as our diets or sleep schedules, however when we are truly wanting a soul-union with someone else we must explore and be very realistic with bendability in relationship. It’s not just good enough to feel chemistry with someone, compatibility is a must for the long game of life partnership and relationship success and happiness. Chemistry will ebb and flow through the life of the relationship, compatibility is the glue that holds it together in times of struggle.
In Conclusion
Our world loves the shiny new thing in everything we do and enjoy, and our relationships are not secluded from this human desire to explore something new. We thrive on new relationship energy where butterflies fill our stomachs and we get a rush from our partners kiss, however a real and conscious relationship is about the union and support of this other soul. It is about finding a place to call home and feeling secure there. This we can only have if we become conscious to who we are and what that means to our needs and vision for intimate relationship.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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